Sorry

To all that I have hurt, indirectly or directly in the past and present.....

Sorry, I'm so sorry

Sorry for making you mad

Sorry for everything I said

Sorry for lying to you

Sorry, I'm so sorry

Sorry if I disappointed you

Sorry if I hurt you

Sorry for everything

Sorry, I'm so sorry

Sorry that I liked you

Sorry that i dreamt of you

Sorry that i missed you

Sorry, I'm so sorry

Sorry that I loved you

Sorry that you dint

Sorry that we had to fight

Sorry, I'm so sorry

Sorry....

looking back....

hey... 

Its been a while since i sat here, since i sat her typing and spilling (verbal/typing diarrhoea) all my emotions thoughts and ideas here on this pathetic website...

I know all my recent post are quite emotional and probably leads those who read, or me potraying that i have no life. Quite lame dont you think....?

I must say many things have happened since, some good, some bad, and some just...normal..

hahaha

I shall ignore my past, the recent ones at least...

after my last post, K who read my post was offended on what i wrote, we had some verbal disagreements... and we sorted. or at least i think...

Well, she may have done some bad things to me, or so I make it seem. I'm sorry.

But, its not entirely her fault... it takes two to clap...

Things i may have done or said could have led to things being ugly...

Anyways... bottom line now, she has apologized to me, and I....being the stubborn ass that I am, just cant forgive..

Why?  I dont know... Partly maybe because I dont wanna get hurt no more? or maybe just the male ego kicking in? I dunno...

It works fine with me, so why should i change it right?....

Correction

OOPS!, my bad

In the post ' Club just aint a Club..' there is a correction on Line 14.

It should read, 'She drove to my parents house' and not I picked her from some kampung as earlier said'

Tks

Dilemma

Haih... words can only be words, actions are actions, what it means can be interprated in many ways...

I had a friend say to me ;

'Dude, get out of it'

'Dude, why just stay in and get hurt'

'Dude, she just using you'

'Dude, dont you see? you are the filler, the one she looks for when no one else is around'

Haih....

Then she tells me, think what you wanna think. yeah maybe I am the bad one, maybe I am using you.

'But if I do this and that for you, why do I?'

I dunno what to belive anymore, I just dont...

"Father , Father.

who never turned away,

When I walked away,

To seek a love,

In a world of lies"

"Argh!!! They just twirl you round their little finger they do, they use you till you cant give no more, then they just leave you to bleed with the vultures".... Alex Martin

A club just aint a club...

Saturday 10/5/2008

Woke up like 7.30.. on a SATURDAY...

DAMN!!! I Dont even wake up dat early when i work...
Offered to send someone back to their home town..

Picked ehr up sent her, then went for my appointment at 10 to send my car in..
time passed, 10.10, 10.15, 10.20.. FUCK!!!

Shop dude still sleeping.. so screw it la..

Decided to do it myself, baught the parts needed,

Went home, but the Sun was soooooo hot.. decided to sleep instead
hahaha

Adrian was leaving to Vietnam, and also his birthday, so there was this small gathering/party in Barclub.

So asked K if she wanted to come alond, and she said yes..

She drove to my parents house and parked her car... (Corrected Line)

Says she wanna go to Backyard to her friends perform, so i said ok, we can go there for a while then after to barclub..

So reached Backyard bout 11, as we were about to go in she comes up to me and says
' err... dont be surprised k, we might bump into someone here'

'who' I said

'M....'

okay... so basically you dragged me here to be a lampost? you only had the whole time in the car to tell me right?

Anyways thanks, the minute he comes, i'll ditch you k..

He came, I left.

Went down to barclub, refused to answer her calls..

I dunno.. was i overreacting? Or was I just hurt? Or was I just refusing to further get hurt?
Was it vengance? I dunno...

I just felt shitty... hurting her, hurts me more... Haih..

Anyways, on normal occassions, this would have been the oppurtunity to get drunk, But trying my best to stay disciplined, as, I have quit alcohol.. (YES I HAVE!!!!!!!) maybe for a few months i guess.. try... at least..

Being sober in a club, is just weird.. you look around and see the stoooopid things ppl do, and then you think.. damn is dat how I am when i;m drink?

Anyways, its been 4 nights of parties, total days 9. and all without alcohol!!!

Yay...

Had a tough time sleeping... very tough.. she was just all over my thoughts..

I felt hurt, I did not like hurting her.. not at all....

Scary....

Friday 9/5/2008

Supposed to go for a brthday party, CO, in the Sanctuary.. oh oh oh wait..

Bout the birthday party, was this chick i used to know, bla bla bla, but her sister..
England not very powderfull la.

Got the invitation via SMS which read

'Hey alex, please come for my birthday party tonight k,
About 10 pm in Sanctually'

(notice Santually)

'I replied, where the F*** is Sanctually.. or do you mean Sanctuary?'

She goes, same thing la, same pronounciation ma' spelling only different'

Slap my forehead.. STOOOOOOOPID NYA

anyways back to the story at hand...

Was supposed to meet up With lilian to join as well,
Went to the gym, went by Bangsar to have some food.. *oh and K baught her sequins hehe)
Met up with Lilian who asked if Eddie could come (Li Lians ex boyfriend)
Eddie joined alon, now as i have not showered and changed yet decided to go home and chang 1st, thus had no choice but to invite Li and Ed to come along.

Went home with a Btl of Vodka.
Changed & showered, and still waiting for the arrivals of the guests of honours (Ed & LI) to arrive...

(In case you lost.... i left first as they had to get some stuff, supposed to be 10 mins only)

Anyways they finnaly arrived at 11.30pm.. which i then said 'LETS GO'
and they were like wait la, tired la, (Diu!)

So we started drinking the vodka, then there was this tension like thing going on between the two...

Alcohol and ex's.. dont go too well...

So now in Sanctually.. (just to please some dudes)


Bla bla bla.. Then Eddie start his nonsense...
wanting to jump off the building and etc if Li does not take him back
Oh gawd... STOOOPID...

Dude... go fuck someone... really..

Had to pull him off the balcony's ledge, then he kinda pushes me around, and finally,
as much as I hated doing this (Yeah right) I had to 'defend' myslef, Slapped the dude, and there he was passed out cold on the floor... but forgot to remove my ring, thus caused him a nice bleed...

haih

Left Sanctuary... Was contemplating if I should see K..

But then as she had an early morning and so did I, decided to go sleeeeeeeeep..

ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

People will go....

Nobody listens

Nobody cares about it anymore

Jealousy

And I don't even know your name

But everybody gets it

In a blink it leaves you cold in the night

Jealousy

And I don't even know your name

Burned into your memory

People will go

People will come

People will lead you till your heart is numb

People will go

People will come

People will lead you till your heart is numb

I know exactly what you're thinking